i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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