Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
