Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
