Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
