His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
