when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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