I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
nutella sex= disaster
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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