There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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