Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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