I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
worst night to have a conscience
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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