I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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