the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
