he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
