I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
