Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
