The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
