so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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