He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
