her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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