I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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