I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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