you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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