If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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