Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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