Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
