talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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