giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
