Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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