In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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