Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Congratulations! We have a period
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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