Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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