it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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