Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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