Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
