Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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