I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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