Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
