You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Houston, we have a squirter
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
