I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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