I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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