Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
