Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
