The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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