He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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