this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sext me about skeletons
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
