i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
