i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
