i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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