I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
