Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
