i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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