Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
