Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
