Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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