Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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