So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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