White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
