things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
