This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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