weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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