Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
