Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
