physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
