she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize