i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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