I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
