if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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