Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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