I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
