I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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