I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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