i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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