It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
