He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
