i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's the barista slut.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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