I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
