An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
