I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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