Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
