I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
