I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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