Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
