My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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