dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
