Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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