in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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