I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
