plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
