Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
