About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
