Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize