I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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