you have to choose: penises or morals?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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