Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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