im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
