I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
