hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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