pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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