I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
