she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize