This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
