Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
