woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
