So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
