Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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