i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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