no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
