He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
