lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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